Alex and Rin were sitting by a river. "Alex.. what do you think of Taika?" Rin asked her recently aquired best friend. "She's cool i guss why?" Elex responded questioningly. "I think she likes you.." Rin replyed staring at her reflection in the water. "Ya were friends... whats the dif?" Elix replyed. "Nothing realy..., Its just... I dont know.. ever since Moving from canada Ive had not but torment from the other students... You and Taiki been the most respectfull.. along with every one else in a groupie..." Rin said still staring at her reflection while somewhere across the river a fish jumped out of the water to catch a bug making a sploosh sound when it submerged again. "I meen as much as I hated living in canada.. I kinda miss some of my friends and you guys came and perty much filled the void..." Rin said looking further more into the reflection of her face in the water. "So whats this have to do with whether Taiki likes me or not?" Alex asked staring at Rin. "Nothing realy..." Rin replyed staring at her pale face in the water. "Rin I know this is ann od qustion but why do you never put any make up on?" Alex asked.. "I feel more secure with out it... why?" Rin asked. "Ive always wondered... thats all.. thought maybe you just didnt ware it cause well you know.. um... it was like a fashion statement.." replyed. "well I always figured if IM not buitifull with out the make up.. why would make up, make me any diffrent.. its whats inside that counts.. but people even put makeup and desguise that to you know.." Rin said A tear slid down from her eye onto the bridge of her nose then fell into the water with a tinny little 'plip'. "Rin seriusly whats wrong?.. youve been emo all day" Alex asked concerned. "My Dad, And my Mum are getting a divorce... they just told me today... aparently my Dad cheated on my mum... Im probably gonna be moving to a new apartment... the costedy herings are starting after the divorce.. neither of them wants to give me up.. yet they dont want to get through this together.. they just want to quite on eachoteher, WELL DID THEY EVEN ASK ME WHAT I WANTED!!" Rin yelped fully weeping now. Alex grabbed Rin and hugged her and did nto let go for quite some time. a few hours later Rin stopped crying and Alex gingerly let go. Rins eyes were blood shot... and she still felt terible. "Well come on Rin I think Taika's party is starting soon hopefully we can have a bit of fun and temperarely forget about the whole thing k?" Alex said gingerly to Rin.. Alex helped rin to her feet and they walked gingerly to Taika's house where the party was to be held. "Dont worry Rin we'll talk about this later, I just think you should have a bit of fun first and chear mor up..." Alex said To Rin. "heh.. Fun? thats my middle name." Rin replyed. "Good, Cause I know you, parties always seem to temperaly chear you up." Alex said giving Rin's hand abit of a squeez. (authers note bit writer's block for this rewrite please bare with) ***
(authours Note: Crap.. IM brain dead right now being threatened with eviction at this moment.. IM gona try this alittle later please bare with... sorry)
Since you posted a written work, I won't hold back. Prepare yourself because it might get a bit ugly.
Let's be fair and start off with the story. Well, it's too short. Just when you think you know what's going on, it abruptly ends. I think you could add a bit more. After breaking down like that, I doubt Rin would be in the mood for the party. Alex probably should have tried to cheer her up first.
Now, let's get into the part you didn't just ignore, but kicked off the roof of a building. Grammar, spelling, etc. Nearly all of the sentences aren't capitalized. There are numerous spelling errors, including character names. You never used an apostrophe when it was needed. There are also some sentences that lack a period and run into others. You flat-out ignored commas.
I'm not expecting you to be a master at writing stories, but this looks like you didn't put any effort into it at all. I was able to forgive these bad writing habits in your posts because I didn't want to be mean, but here is another story. When you write a story like that, you give off the impression that you're lazy and you honestly don't care about what you're typing.
Again, my intention isn't to be mean, it's to help you. I hope you rewrite this story because it's a bit confusing and hard to read in its current state.
actualy that wasnt too ugly I useuly spell check my work but that day I dintnt (right after writing the story i whent right to bed was wuite tired already)
also.. when I get right into My creative genius as I call it i usely just right right through the story not paying much mind to spelling generaly if i do a get all flustered trying to figure out the spelling for something
and as storry ending to shortley i feel the same way but if i kept on writing it would of amounted to like 60 pages and it ended abruptly as I had no idea how to end it shortly so therer prolly be other contiunuations of the storry
and lastly.. always had high marks in english but poor marks for spelling, grammer, and caps so that was always My teachers main problem with my works but she always enjoyed the stories ^^
oh and thank you for the obsenly good critic if i put this on Gaia I would have been flamed beyond beliefe without proper ideas on how to fix it since u did u get a cookie ^^ and some milk
